The rejection complex can become a major deterrent for those who suffer from it. You may have heard the saying “you can’t please Greeks and Trojans” out there. This popular wisdom concerns the impossibility of satisfying everyone.
Those who feel rejected for no reason usually try to do just that to get rid of this bad feeling. The problem is that this behavior results in big disappointments.
While the person waits for a thank you and possible strengthening of the bond of friendship, the other has no idea of his expectations. This mismatch ends up generating frustration.
In this way, it is difficult for the person with feelings of rejection to form lasting bonds. The problem, unfortunately, is a paradox, as this dynamic only increases the feeling of being rejected.
What is a Rejection Complex?
First, we need to clarify that this denomination is popular. The term ‘complex’ actually refers to the belief in constant rejection. In all social situations, the person either believes he is being rejected or speculates that he will soon be rejected.
A dubious behavior or unfortunate comment is enough to alert the complex person. In other words, they live in constant fear of feeling the bad emotions that come with a possible abandonment.
The rejection complex acts as a block to the development of healthy interpersonal relationships. It may even be an unconscious self-sabotage mechanism.
The logic goes something like this: “I’m going to break up/walk away/give up/not get attached before I get rejected”. Thus, the person cannot fully surrender to their relationships, harming coexistence.
The same applies to personal projects, work, or study. As he is always imagining a scenario of possible rejection, the complex individual does not complete his tasks or does not give his all. “Why try when my idea is going to be denied?”, is the usual logic in these situations. In this case, the fear of rejection is an obstacle for you to find your true potential.
Tips for Overcoming the Rejection Complex
To get rid of this unhealthy behavior pattern, you can follow the tips.
1. Reframe the Rejection
When your boss denies your idea at work, it doesn’t mean you’re incompetent. If a friend rejects your help with a project, you may not be able to contribute in that specific situation. If your partner breaks up with you, it doesn’t mean that no one will ever love you.
These little ways of being rejected are common in everyday life for all of us! They cannot leave you paralyzed with fear or frustration. It is necessary to give new meaning to the bad feelings intertwined with the idea of rejection.
Although painful, rejection can be a path to a better reality or a lesson not to make the same mistake. Try to find the lessons present in these situations as well.
2. Change Perspective
Stop focusing on impending abandonment. Know that when you interact with someone, he doesn’t get to see all the bad things you think you have. The other is unaware of your past and unaware of the secrets you keep. And even if it did, it wouldn’t be a reason to reject it.
When we live haunted by the fear of rejection, we believe we have every reason to deserve this reality. The truth is, no, you don’t. Don’t let these thoughts dictate how you live.
When experiencing a rejection situation, look for points to improve to have a different result in the future or simply move on. Life is full of beginnings. Fight the degrading thoughts that come to bring you down.
3. Practice Self-love
See who you are today. It is certainly quite different from your past self. That person who suffered so much conquered amazing feats and got to where you are! Regardless of whether this is the desired reality or not, be grateful for personal growth.
Then analyze your strengths. What do you like most about yourself? List them and read all items daily. Chances are you don’t believe in your qualities. So this exercise will slowly get you used to them.
Another way to cultivate self-love is to use failures to learn and celebrate victories. Even if these are small, celebrate and reflect on your success. That way, your brain will get used to thinking positively again.
4. Find Vulnerability
It’s hard to open up to the world after multiple rejections. Fear is a powerful ruler. Living like this, however, is unsustainable. Put your weapons aside for a moment and try to open up to the people nearby. It could be a co-worker or a relative who was distant until then.
If need be, start chatting online in groups geared to your interests. It’s easier to form bonds with people who have the same taste as us. Furthermore, in the cyber world, the pressure of social interactions is much lower.
Do it slowly, at your own pace, and in your own time. Respect your limitations, offering only what you can fulfill. If the fear of becoming vulnerable is too much, don’t succumb to despair. Seek professional help to open your heart and overcome traumatic experiences.
5. Forgive the Past
This step is also a bit tricky, but possible. The past is full of feelings. When we relive a memory, these feelings resurface.
Forgiveness is a way of releasing these bad feelings. Through a long process of understanding and accepting the events in our lives, it is possible to let go of the hurt. However, it takes a lot of courage to revisit traumas. Go easy on this step too.
An effective technique is to simply visualize the people who have rejected you and repeat “I forgive you” over and over again.